Anti Jokes

You should share your favorite anti jokes with friends and family. Make everyone around you laugh. Show them a good time! Anti jokes are so stupid they are actually funny. They turn humor on its head! Here are some of the best anti jokes out there:

The best anti jokes to tell family and friends:

Here are some of the best anti jokes with a hilarious (and unexpected) punchline:

  1. What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
  2.  What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
  3. Why did Katie break open her piggy bank? She ran out of money.
  4. What’s the one thing in life you can actually always count on? A calculator.
  5. What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
  6. Do you know why I look like I can’t hear you? Because I can’t, my headphones are on.
  7. Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.
  8. Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
  9. A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs. The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”
  10. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it… Then my illegal logging company is a success.
  11. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  12. Two muffins are in an oven. One says to the other, “Dang, it’s hot in here.” The other replies, “Yeah, probably like 350 degrees.”
  13. How is a bar of soap the same as your dreams? They’re both amazing at slipping away.
  14. Why did the monkey and pancake batter have in common? They both love bananas.
  15. I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.
  16. Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
  17. What’s one thing you can do over and over again and not remember a single thing? Drinking alcohol.
  18. How do you confuse someone? Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
  19. What did one Frenchman say to the other? I don’t know, I don’t speak French.
  20. Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.

An anti joke for every type of sense of humor:

Here are the best anti jokes that will make everyone laugh:

  1. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
  2. I accused my husband of being too immature. Then he told me to get out of his fort.
  3. How do you get someone to stop swinging on the tire swing? Snip the rope.
  4. What did the man say when he lost his truck? Where’s my truck?
  5. Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
  6. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
  7. Why did Jordan stay home from the party? He wasn’t invited…
  8. What did one woman say to the other woman next to the coffee machine? Coffee looks good.
  9. Do you know why everyone is afraid to come to my house? It’s haunted.
  10. Why did the girl drop her ice cream cone? She tripped over a pothole.
  11. What makes you laugh harder than your own child? A whoopie cushion.
  12. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
  13. Do you want to know what always makes me smile? Face muscles.
  14. You know what they say? Words.
  15. What did the raccoon say to the other raccoon? Does my breath smell like garbage?
  16. I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
  17. Why do flamingos stand on one leg? If they lifted up the other one they’d fall over.
  18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? It doesn’t even matter.
  19. What do a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.
  20. What’s the difference between a rabbit and a grape? They’re both purple, except the rabbit isn’t.

Random jokes that will make you laugh aloud:

Here are the best anti jokes around:

  1. When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.
  2. Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard. I just picked it up as I went along.
  3. A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave as they recognize the potential danger in the situation.
  4. Learn sign language. It’s very handy.
  5. What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
  6. Do you want to know my secret to sanity? Red wine.
  7. What did he give her on Valentine’s Day? Something red and lots of lies.
  8. Why did the kid in the movie theater get yelled at? He was talking.
  9.  Knock knock. Come in!
  10. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.
  11. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp? Nothing. Rice can’t talk.
  12. How tall is the Empire State Building? One Empire State Building tall.
  13. Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees? They’re so good at it.
  14. What’s best about living in Switzerland? Nothing, except that the flag is a plus.
  15. Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is? Because there are more geese in that line.
  16. Why did the therapist wipe away the T-Rex’s tears? He couldn’t reach his own face.
  17. Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them they disappear.
  18. What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician? A tattoo.
  19. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… And a pretty good spring and summer too.
  20. What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

The best jokes on the internet that are so bad they’re actually good:

Here are the most hilarious anti jokes to make friends think you’re funny:

  1. Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
  2.  How do you know you’re a true 90s kid? When you look at your birth certificate and it says you were born between 1990 and 1999.
  3. Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
  4. Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
  5. How long does it take you to count to 100? I don’t care.
  6. What did the five fingers say to the face? Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
  7. I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
  8. Mary had a little lamb… The doctor fainted.
  9.  Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
  10. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  11. What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
  12. What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
  13. Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn’t. Numbers aren’t sentient and are incapable of feeling fear.
  14. I’d never tell you a pizza joke. It’s way too cheesy.
  15. What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
  16. My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
  17. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
  18. What’s green, red, orange, purple, blue, and yellow? Colors.
  19. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  20. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”

Anti jokes that have a hilarious punchline:

Here are the best anti jokes:

  1. Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
  2. I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  3. Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
  4. Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
  5. Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
  6. What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say? T-Rexxie, babe, I’m coming in for a hug.
  7. What is brown, sticky, and sometimes smelly? Mud.
  8. What did Batman say to Robin before he got into the Batmobile? “Robin, get in the Batmobile!”
  9. Take my wife now, please! We have run out of gas and she’s late for work.
  10. A guy walks into a bar… Then he gets a drink and leaves.
  11. What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands? Probably still Santa Claus. However, he doesn’t exist so it doesn’t really matter.
  12. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  13. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
  14. What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home? A pigeon.
  15. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being robbed.
  16. Take your age and add 5 to it. That’s your age in 5 years.
  17. Roses are dead. Violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
  18. I’m on a seafood diet… It’s going to be really tough for me — I lost a bet to a friend, and the problem is I am a vegetarian.
  19. Why can’t dinosaurs laugh? Because they’re all dead.
  20. What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? “We’re both lawyers!”

Funny anti jokes to impress friends and family:

Here are the funniest anti jokes ever created:

  1. When did the astronaut who floated away from the spaceship come back? Never. He floats forever.
  2. Want to hear something that will make you smile? Your facial muscles.
  3. What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils? Broken.
  4. What do you get when you mix a goat and a sheep? A geep.
  5. What do you call a talking turtle? Fictional.
  6. What ended after 1987? 1988.
  7. What does one French Guy say to another French Guy? My name is also Guy.
  8. What’s funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.
  9. You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends… But you can’t rob a bank. That’s a felony.
  10. Why is there no aspirin in the rainforest? Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try and sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rainforest.

Bad jokes that will get everyone laughing

Illustrated art for this quote: What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Here are more funny anti jokes:

  1. Knock, knock. I wonder who is at the door. I hope they know a good joke, since levity in important in this cruel life. You have to smile sometimes.
  2. What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
  3. What does a dad joke sound like in space? As cringe as it sounds on earth.
  4. What did the mosquito say to the other mosquito? This vein’s mine.
  5. When is a dad officially a dad? When his jokes no longer get laughs.
  6. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Chickens had not evolved yet.
  7. What came first, the chicken or the egg? Dinosaurs.
  8. What do you call a talking turtle? A cartoon.
  9. What do you call a car wash that won’t wash cars anymore? Broken.
  10. What is the worst time to get a haircut? When you don’t want a haircut.
  11. How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. We are efficient and don’t have humor. TC mark

About the author

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

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