Dog Jokes

Dogs are man’s best friend for a reason. They bring joy to people around the world! Whether you’re a dog lover or a cat lover, you’ll appreciate these dog jokes. Make sure to share them with your family and friends:

Funny Dog Jokes

  1. Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road? Because she was littering.
  2. What do dogs eat for breakfast? Pooched eggs.
  3. What is a dog’s favorite city? New Yorkie.
  4. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
  5. Why do dogs love conjunctions? They just love buts.
  6. What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? Take the words out of his mouth!
  7. How do dog catchers get paid? By the pound!
  8. What did one flea say to the other? Should we walk or take a dog?”
  9. What kind of dog chases anything red? A bulldog.
  10. What kind of dog does Dracula have? A Bloodhound.
  11. What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he ate his dinner? “Wow, that hit the spot!”
  12. What kind of dog loves to take bubble baths? A shampoodle.
  13. I went to the zoo and all they had was one small dog. It was a shih-tzu.
  14. How are dogs like phones? Both have collar IDs.
  15. Why was the dog stealing shingles? He wanted to become a woofer!
  16. What’s a dog’s favorite kind of ice cream? Pupcicles.
  17. What does a dog say before eating? Bone appetite!
  18. What do chemists do with their dog bones? They barium.
  19. What does a dog get when they finish obedience school?


    Her pet-degree.
  20. What did the dog say to the tree? Bark!

Cheesy Dog Jokes

  1. Why did the dog cross the road twice? He was trying to fetch a boomerang.
  2. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show!
  3. Why was the dog such a good storyteller? He knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
  4. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? That was ruff!”
  5. What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog.
  6. How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied!
  7. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
  8. What kind of dog doesn’t bark? A hush puppy.
  9. Why doesn’t anyone want to work for dogs? Because they hound their employees.
  10. What do puppies and pages of a book have in common? They’re both dog-eared.
  11. How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster? He was Terrier-fied!
  12. What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on.
  13. Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores? To the lab for testing.
  14. What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler? Whatever you want, but do it silently.
  15. Where did the dog leave his car? In the barking lot.
  16. What do you call a left-handed boxer? A south paw!
  17. What do you call a wild dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
  18. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
  19. What do you call a dog with a surround sound system? A sub-woofer.
  20. Why did the dog walk into the saloon? He was looking for the man who shot his paw.

Hilarious Dog Jokes

  1. What’s a dog’s favorite instrument? A trom-bone.
  2. Who is the dog’s favorite comedian? Growlcho Marx.
  3. When you cross an aggressive dog with a computer, what do you get? A lot of bites.
  4. Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny? All of them are really short.
  5. How do you know if you have a slow dog? It chases parked cars.
  6. When you cross a sheepdog with a jelly, what do you get? The collie wobbles.
  7. I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except… The bark is much quieter.
  8. Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade? Because it was a hot dog.
  9. What’s a dog’s favorite type of pizza? Pupperoni.
  10. What could be worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
  11. After a talking Sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer. “All 40 accounted for,” he says. “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the Sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
  12. How does a dog stop a TV show? He presses paws.
  13. Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him. I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.
  14. What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog? Come on! Join the bark side.
  15. What type of markets do dogs avoid? Flea markets!
  16. When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get? A croaker spaniel.
  17. Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a Boxer.
  18. What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodledoo!
  19. What makes a businessman different from a hot dog? The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just wears pants.
  20. Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost? Because Frost bites.

The Best Dog Jokes

  1. What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
  2. What dog keeps the best time? A watchdog.
  3. What happens when a dog loses its tail? It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
  4. How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
  5. How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving? Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
  6. When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get? Grease Lightning
  7. What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A golden receiver.
  8. What do you get when you cross a racing dog with a bumblebee? A greyhound buzz.
  9. What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen? Ink spots.
  10. When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get? A lot of trouble with a postman.
  11. After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody? You got a friend in me.
  12. What is a pug’s favorite fall beverage? Pug-kin spice lattes.
  13. Want to know if your husband or your dog loves you more? Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
  14. What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah? You’d get a dog that chased after cars, but was actually fast enough to catch them!
  15. Why did the man make pancakes for his dog? His dog sure didn’t know how!
  16. Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground? Because they can’t be buried in trees!
  17. When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him? Mustard, it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
  18. Why do dogs love Redwood trees? They have the biggest bark.
  19. What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery? You’ll get a short circuit.
  20. How many hairs are in a dog’s tail? None! They’re all on the outside.

More Dog Jokes

  1. Our dog brings us the newspaper every day… Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
  2. What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theaters? Pupcorn
  3. What breed of dog can jump higher than a building? All breeds can, since buildings can’t jump!
  4. What kind of dog consumes food with its ears? All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
  5. What did the man name his two watch dogs? Rolex and Timex.
  6. What could be more incredible than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
  7. Why do dogs tend to run in circles? Because it’s really hard to run in squares.
  8. When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get? I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
  9. Why does a noisy yappy dog resemble a tree? It’s because they both have a lot of bark.
  10. Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat? Cats can’t drive!
  11. Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet!

About the author

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.

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