The Worst Part Of Losing Someone Who Won’t Apologize For Hurting You
The worst part is, you don’t realize you’ve done anything wrong. You’re placing the blame on everyone except yourself. You’re not acknowledging the role you played in the drama unfolding. You’re acting like these bad things are happening to you, like you’re a random bystander in your own life, like you’ve never said a single word wrong.
The worst part is, you aren’t going to grow from everything that happened between us. You aren’t going to take a good, long look at yourself and examine all the ways you need to work on yourself. You aren’t going to put effort into bettering yourself so history doesn’t repeat itself. You aren’t going to allow yourself to grow stronger from this experience. You’re going to resist instead. You’re going to let your stubbornness win out.
The worst part is, you are completely oblivious to how much hurt you’ve caused. You’re so centered on yourself that you’re missing how deeply you’ve wounded the people around you. Or, worse, you think the hurt you’re causing is well-deserved. You think you’re the good guy in the situation. You think you have nothing to be sorry about, but are convinced the rest of the world owes you an apology.
The worst part is, you’re not going to treat the next person with more kindness and respect than you showed me. You aren’t going to use what happened as a lesson, a reminder that your words and actions matter. You’re going to keep making excuses, so that you don’t have to do any of the hard work. You’re going to pretend you’re perfect, so the blame never falls on you.
The worst part is, I had such high hopes for you. I thought you cared about doing the right thing. I thought you wanted to be a better person. I thought you were willing to put in the effort. I thought you cared about people other than yourself. I thought you cared about me. But I was wrong. You aren’t the person I swore you were. You weren’t even close.
The worst part is, you’re exactly the same now as you were at the start. You haven’t matured. You haven’t seen the error of your ways. You haven’t owned up to the fact that you made mistakes. You haven’t apologized. You haven’t taken the time to sit with the choices you’ve made and ask yourself why you would make them, why you would cause people who care about you so much pain, why you would put the nicest people through the most gut-wrenching experiences. You haven’t cared enough to take responsibility, and there’s nothing more disappointing than realizing that.
I’ve learned from my mistakes–and from yours. I understand I’m not perfect, but I’ve worked hard to grow as person, to examine my faults and do better in the future. I’m constantly trying to learn, to grow, to make myself a better person today than yesterday. But the worst part is, you aren’t able to say the same.
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